


Isn't it supposed to be pollen

by mikansei



Category: Gintama
Genre: M/M, Sex Pollen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-01
Updated: 2013-12-01
Packaged: 2018-01-03 04:09:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 9,342
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1065590
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mikansei/pseuds/mikansei
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Two idiots catch a cold, and all hell breaks loose.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. There's no such thing as a harmless prank

“…I repeat, the queue for free S1X1 vaccinations is closed, we are at full capacity. The pharmacy on 2nd street is accepting customer overflow. Please conduct yourselves in an orderly fashion…”

It was the third such intercom message Sougo had heard on his way back to Shinsengumi headquarters. He dodged out of the way of a group of people streaming out of the pharmacy, no doubt on their way toward 2nd street. He adjusted his paper mask a little; thank god he was almost home, hopefully Yamazaki had finished the grocery run and they could all just shut themselves inside headquarters for a week or so while this blew over.

He laughed. As freaked out as he was about this Amanto sex virus, Yamazaki had probably worn his ninja mask to cover his face, like some kind of grocery shinobi. Well, they were all a little on edge, Yamazaki was just amusingly high-pitched about it. He wondered what it would take to get Hijikata’s voice to squeak like that.

As he rounded the corner and the headquarters’ main gate came into view, a sadistic grin spread underneath Sougo’s mask as an idea struck him.

A wonderful, horrible idea.

—

“Hijikata-san, let me in already, I know you’re there…”

“Oi, what are you so impatient for? Keep your boxers on.” Hijikata’s words were slightly muffled in the way that meant he was talking around a cigarette; most people could tell that. Only swordsmen were likely to notice the lack of a familiar metallic _clink_ as he stepped off the porch that meant he wasn’t wearing his sword. And while most people could tell by the lazy pace he took to get to the gate that he was going slow just to spite Sougo, only Sougo knew that he was completely and utterly unprepared for what was about to hit him.

The gate finally swung open. Sougo’s eyes quickly scanned the front courtyard from under his bangs. Harada and Yamazaki were at the opposite end; there would be an audience.

Hijikata had already turned away. “You shouldn’t have bothered going out with that virus going around…” a quick glance back over his shoulder turned into a double-take. “Where’s your mask?”

Sougo looked up at Hijikata, watching intently as his eyes flicked over him, taking in the sight. Mask gone, scarf loose, hair disheveled, cheeks flushed, breathing heavy.

And before Hijikata could process it all, Sougo darted forward, snatched his cigarette away and caught him in a crushing kiss. He snaked one hand around Hijikata’s waist and the other around the back of his head. When Hijikata’s mouth opened in shock, Sougo caught his tongue and sucked on it.

Hijikata squeaked.

Sougo pulled away, laughing so hard that tears came to his eyes. “I actually got vaccinated on my way back.” Much as he wanted to gloat at the look on Hijikata’s face – and god, what a look it was; if only he could frame it – he started heading toward his room, taking long strides to ensure he was far away when the shock finally wore off.

It took longer than he thought; he was already past Harada and Yamazaki when Hijikata roared “WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?”

Hijikata stormed after him and he ran. He might have actually gotten away if it wasn’t for the giggle fit that overtook him, but he only made it a few rooms further before he was shoved against the wall. “You think you’re funny, huh?” Hijikata pinned his right wrist so hard it would probably bruise, and laughing just made him angrier, but he couldn’t stop.

Hijikata was clearly not as intimidating as he hoped he was, shifting uncomfortably like there was something between his shoulder blades, a deep flush reaching all the way to the tops of his ears.

“Let’s see how much you like it, then.”

And then things started to go very wrong for Sougo.

Actually, he thought as Hijikata’s mouth crushed against his and a thrill of pleasure raced down his spine, it probably started to go wrong the second he thought up the idea. It might have even started to go wrong, he thought as Hijikata sucked on his lower lip and his back arched, when he decided to stop by the pharmacy and get vaccinated. Because he was pretty sure, he thought as Hijikata broke the kiss just to suck on his throat instead, that this strange feeling settling between his shoulder blades was one of the symptoms of the virus. He was also pretty sure, he thought as Hijikata brought a knee up between his legs and rocked forward and his breath caught in his throat and he tried not to moan and grind into it…

Wait, where was he?

Oh, right. He was pretty sure the vaccine wasn’t actually supposed to _give_ you the virus.

Hijikata suddenly went still and Sougo found himself trying not to whine for more. Harada was staring at them and Yamazaki was pointedly staring away from them but that was so much less interesting than the feel of Hijikata’s breath on his neck and his shoulders shivering with the effort of holding still when he clearly wanted more. “Sougo,” he growled, and the hot feeling between his shoulder blades bloomed up and down his back and it really, truly should not feel this good to hear Hijikata of all people growl his name into his neck like that, “ _What did you do to me_?”

There were a lot of things Sougo wanted to say, but all he could manage was a breathy and ineloquent “Oh, shit.”


	2. It's actually not quite hatesex

They had shut themselves in Hijikata’s room after a short deliberation (“Harada-san, please throw us out the front gate and don’t let us back in for a week.” “I am not unleashing you two on the city, it’s done nothing to deserve that. Moreover, I’m not getting within twenty yards of you. Deal with yourselves.” “Harada-san, please die.”) and really, he was right; it wasn’t fair to the women – or the men – of Edo to be forced to deal with a sex-crazed demon and sadist. Regardless of his prank Sougo would’ve gotten infected anyway, and as much as he couldn’t stand Hijikata it wasn’t like the alternatives (Yamazaki? Harada? _Kamiyama_?) were much better. No, they were stuck with each other, and there was no getting off on it.

Out. There was no getting _out_ of it.

Which made it all the stranger when Hijikata, naked from the waist up, sitting on top of him and panting, said “You don’t have to do this, you know.”

That kind of concern would’ve been annoying on a normal day, but today it was downright infuriating. The heat between Sougo’s shoulder blades sank coldly into his skin; he grabbed Hijikata about the waist, flipped him to the floor and pinned him, dipping his head down to lick and suck at a spot behind Hijikata’s jaw. “Do you want to stop?” he asked, teeth grazing his earlobe.

Hijikata gasped out a “No” that turned into a moan, drawing his hands down Sougo’s back and sending sparks of pleasure down his spine.

“Good, because one of us is getting fucked,” Sougo started, grinding his hips into Hijikata’s to drive the point home and god _damn_ that felt fucking amazing wait he was still in the middle of a sentence wasn’t he, “I don’t care who, but if you don’t start soon, I will,” he said a little faster than he intended because words were really hard. Words and something else.

Hijikata made a noise low in his throat. “You don’t care who, huh?” One arm came around Sougo’s back and a leg hooked behind his knees; pitched off-balance, Sougo found himself with his back to the floor and Hijikata on top of him again. “Sure about that?”

Sougo sucked in air through his teeth. “ _Yes_ ,” he hissed, palming Hijikata roughly through his pants. “Hurry up—” _and fuck me_ , he didn’t say.

Hijikata gasped and shivered, leaning his head against Sougo’s shoulder. “Alright, alright,” he breathed, his lips brushing against Sougo’s collarbone and god, everywhere he touched felt like it was being set aflame. “Get your pants off, then,” he said, starting to undo his own.

As he fumbled with his waistband and his fingers brushed over his own erection, Sougo figured that right then he hated belts more than anything else in the world. Or maybe buttons. He finally got his fly undone just as Hijikata pressed two fingers to his lips and said “Suck,” and normally he would hate being commanded like that, especially by Hijikata, but Hijikata was straddling him wearing nothing but his uniform pants, socks and a furious blush and Sougo was _really_ past caring, so he sucked while he finished wriggling out of his pants.

That maddening feeling in his shoulders was getting worse. Hijikata withdrew his fingers and Sougo almost didn’t want to let him, his mouth just needed to do _something_ , so he grabbed the back of his neck and pulled him into a kiss. Hijikata’s fingers went somewhere else and it should probably feel strange but all he wanted was more. He broke away from the kiss for air and bucked into it—

Those fingers found a spot he was only dimly aware he had, and instantly a thrill of white-hot pleasure raced through him. His back arched and he didn’t care how loud he was moaning and it didn’t matter that it was Hijikata anymore, he dug his fingers into Hijikata’s shoulders and gasped “ _More_.”

Hijikata buried his face in Sougo’s neck, rested his weight on one elbow and positioned himself. He entered slowly – too slowly – and Sougo growled, wrapping his legs around Hijikata’s waist and trying to take him further. Hijikata yelped, holding Sougo’s hips still with one hand and panting against his shoulder. “Slow down, it’ll hurt…” But it didn’t hurt, it was new and uncomfortable and amazing and he needed more so why the fuck had he _stopped_?

“Keep going,” Sougo breathed, that cold, insistent feeling slinking down his back that said _more, now_. He squirmed against Hijikata’s hand – damn, his grip was strong – and he threw his head back as Hijikata slowly, finally slid in the rest of the way.

He didn’t hit the right spot every time, but when he did it made Sougo’s toes curl. He clutched at Hijikata’s shoulders, nails digging in hard enough to draw blood. His back arched up off the floor as he started matching Hijikata’s thrusts and god, he really wasn’t going to last long, was he? This was gonna hurt like hell later – hell, it hurt a little already – and it was all such a bad idea for so many reasons and not a single god damned one of them mattered.

Hijikata moved his hand from Sougo’s hip to his lower back and Sougo twitched as he was made abruptly aware of an erogenous zone he didn’t know he had. Heat settled in the pit of his stomach as his back seared in pleasure and he moaned; he was going to come after barely three minutes and that was kind of pathetic, but it felt too good to hold back. Nails scratched lightly at the base of his spine— and he came with a start, clamping his thighs around Hijikata’s waist as he spilled onto his own stomach. He was still seeing stars when Hijikata bit down on his shoulder, shuddering as he came.

Sougo collapsed against the floor, still panting as Hijikata rolled off of him. Damn, he was exhausted, and all he’d done was get fucked.

…It was really good fucking, though.

This was going to be the longest week of his life.

He squeezed his eyes shut as Hijikata sat up. He definitely wasn’t trying to avoid looking at him, it was just… okay, maybe he was. Sougo wanted to kick himself; it wasn’t like this changed anything, right? They still couldn’t stand each other, and it wasn’t like fucking was going to make them magically get along any better.

He opened his eyes just in time to catch the box of tissues that sailed at his head. “Don’t make a mess,” Hijikata said from across the room.

“That would’ve hit me in the face, you bastard.” He sat up, starting to wipe the mess off his stomach when he caught something out of the corner of his eye. Well, the trails of blood dripping down Hijikata’s back were new. “Damn, I got you good.”

Hijikata glanced over his shoulder and Sougo pointed to his back. “Ah, shit…” He swiped the blood away from one of the scratches but it had already reached his waistband.

Yeah, so what if Hijikata had just given him the best orgasm of his life? Nothing had really changed.


	3. What doesn't kill you can still hurt like hell

Alright, so _some_ things had changed.

First and most hilarious, Hijikata couldn’t look him in the face. For a while, anyway; after the next few attacks of the virus and subsequent mutual masturbation sessions (much easier but less satisfying than fucking), he got over it and managed to only blush bright lobster red, which was still funny.

Second, Sougo discovered he was a scratcher. After the second time Hijikata ended up with blood dripping down his back, he figured it wasn’t just a fluke. Hijikata also gave up on wearing his uniform since the blood stains still hadn’t come out of that shirt. Kimonos were more convenient, anyway.

Third and most annoying, Sougo’s lower back was very, _very_ sensitive – but that wasn’t the annoying part. The annoying part was that he’d been stupid enough to let it slip to Hijikata, who could now make him melt into a puddle whenever he damn well wanted. It was probably payback for the gouges he’d left in Hijikata’s back, but it still wasn’t fair.

Other than that, and all the fucking, and the fact that he’d basically moved in to Hijikata’s room so they’d have better access to the fucking, and the way the other men wore their masks and refused to get near them as if they’d come down with the fucking plague – oh, wait, terrible choice of words – things were basically the same.

…More or less.

Shit, who was he kidding?

Sougo grumbled into his dinner as he stuffed his shirttail back into his pants. That was _it_ , he was giving up on uniforms too, if for no other reason than to stop Hijikata from untucking the back of his shirt and trailing his fingers under his waistband like that. It was more arousing than it had any right to be, and for the first time in two days he just didn’t want to fuck – he was starving and he wanted to eat in peace in his room and not have to deal with Hijikata for once.

He turned the TV on and started flipping through channels as he ate. He felt a little guilty leaving Hijikata in the lurch like that; it really was a terrible feeling trying to stave off an attack, but he could make do with his hands for a while.

Damn, there was nothing good on.

“—Pharmacies in the neighboring province of Shimousa have been conscripted to produce new vaccine for Edo residents—”

Even the news was boring.

“—Vaccinations have been discontinued in the Greater Edo area due to concerns that a batch has been improperly prepared and is causing infection in some cases—”

He resisted the urge to fling the remote at the TV. Great, that would’ve been really useful information two days ago.

“—Physical contact – skin to skin is best – releases endorphins that can help extend the time between attacks. If you or your partner is having an attack and the other is not, the onset of an attack can be brought about by transmitting the active virus through mucous membranes – this is most easily done through kissing. Again, _please_ do not try to ignore the attacks. If left alone for more than fifteen minutes it will become withdrawal fever, which involves intense, agonizing full-body muscle pain unaffected by any known painkillers. Endorphins can help, but the only known cure for withdrawal fever is time. This is not an exaggeration; you wouldn’t wish this kind of pain on your worst enemy. If there is any possible way to avoid it, _please_ do not put yourself through this…”

The remote clattered to the floor as Sougo bolted out of his room and tore down the hallway. Damn it, damn it all to hell, it had been almost twenty minutes. A chill crept up the back of his neck. He may not be able to stand him, but if he’d known anything like _that_ could happen he wouldn’t have…! He was almost at Hijikata’s room, maybe he’d get there before—

“Hijikata-san—” He flung the shoji open and stopped dead in his tracks. Collapsed against the wall, doubled over and clutching at his sides, Hijikata shivered, whimpering quietly as a fresh jolt of pain ripped through him.

Sougo felt sick.

“I’m sorry…” He ran to Hijikata’s side and knelt down; his face was deathly pale, expression twisted in pain and eyes unfocused. “I didn’t know—” He put a hand on his arm without thinking but quickly pulled it away. “It doesn’t hurt to touch you, does it?”

Hijikata weakly shook his head and leaned on Sougo’s shoulder. He was shivering violently, breath coming in short, ragged gasps punctuated by whimpers of pain. “C-cold… please stay…” he said, voice thin and thready and wrong. Sougo pulled him into his arms as carefully as he could; Hijikata melted against him, burying his face in his shoulder and Sougo tasted bile.

He’d never seen him in so much pain in his life.

“…It’s all my fault…”

He’d seen him take on thirty samurai, come away with twice again as many wounds and less a pint of blood, and light up a cigarette like it was nothing.

“If I’d just let you—!”

He’d never seen him like this before and it was _scary_ —

“…Not your fault.”

It was rasped with as much authority as Hijikata could manage, which wasn’t much. “You had… every right to say no. Neither of us knew this would happen… don’t blame yourself.”

Sougo held him closer. He was right, of course, but seeing him like this…

“I’m still sorry.”

He brought a hand to the back of Hijikata’s neck and it actually seemed to make him feel better; a wave of relief washed over Sougo with a force that stunned him. Maybe it was just the virus screwing with him, sending every shiver and noise of pain like a dagger between his ribs, making him wish so badly that he could do something to make it stop…

Maybe it was just the virus, but it didn’t matter.


	4. It’s not like I want to make pillow talk, so why does it keep happening

Sougo woke up to the sound of papers being shuffled quietly, probably in an effort not to wake him up.

Oops.

More importantly, he woke up on Hijikata’s futon, alone and a little cold, still in his uniform shirt and pants. He sat up. He didn’t remember falling asleep there, but the crick in his neck and a few other joints reminded him he’d spent most of the night sitting against the wall with Hijikata whimpering brokenly into his shoulder.

His chest hurt as the memory resurfaced. He turned around; Hijikata was sitting with his back to him doing paperwork, as if yesterday had never happened.

The stiff neck was worth it, he guessed.

He got up and sat next to Hijikata, who glanced sideways at him – and wow, he kind of looked like hell, actually. “Feeling better?”

Hijikata’s expression softened. “Yeah.” Ah, that was good. He twined his arm around Hijikata’s, which earned him a strange look. “…What are you doing?”

Oh. Right. “The doctor on the news said physical contact will make the time between attacks longer. Something about endorphins. I figured, since last night… it might be a good idea.”

“But I need this arm to write.”

“Can I sit in your lap, then?”

…Wait. Did he really just say that?

“Funny.”

Oh good, he could play it off as a– “No, I mean it.”

Damn, his mouth could _really_ get him in trouble sometimes.

Hijikata stared at him like he’d …well, like he’d just asked to sit in his lap, and Sougo tried very hard to keep his expression impassive and willed his cheeks to stop burning. God, _what the fuck_. Hijikata stared at a spot over his head, probably asking himself the same question, and then rolled his eyes and opened his arms in a gesture that said _Alright fine, go ahead_.

So he climbed into Hijikata’s lap, bracing his hand on his shoulder as he tried to figure out where to put his legs. They looked at each other for a few painfully awkward moments before he realized they were barely touching, and that was kind of the point, so he sighed and wrapped his arms around Hijikata’s neck, resting his head against his shoulder.

It felt …nice, actually. It was warm and vaguely comfortable and admittedly much less embarrassing now that they didn’t have to look at each other. He tried not to let out an annoyed huff; they’d been fucking like bunnies for the past two days, why was he so embarrassed by _this_? It wasn’t that he didn’t want to, so was he just embarrassed to have asked? …No, wait, had he really _wanted_ to sit in his lap—?

Hijikata snaked an arm around his waist as he went back to his paperwork and Sougo’s train of thought derailed as a warm, hazy feeling overtook him. Fuck it, he was just gonna sit here and let himself feel good. Hopefully it was doing the same for Hijikata.

…Though, really, it was kind of like sitting on a statue.

“You’re an awfully stiff chair, you know.”

Hijikata turned, probably glaring at the back of his head. “You can always leave,” he grumbled, shuffling a stack of papers.

Hm. Maybe it wasn’t working.

“I think I know a way to make you relax a little.”

“Do you, now,” he said absently.

Sougo smirked. “You have a spot just like I do.”

“…What? No I don’t.”

His smirk spread into a grin as he pulled back to look at Hijikata. “Wanna bet?”

Hijikata’s eyes narrowed in amusement. “You’re on.”

Sougo brought his hand up to the nape of Hijikata’s neck and Hijikata lost the bet as soon as he’d made it. “Ah—” His eyelids fluttered closed and his shoulders fell; fingers played at the base of his skull and his head fell back into the touch. “…Nn…” Sougo slid his other arm around his back to support him as Hijikata melted bonelessly into his hand, looking for all the world like a cat being scratched behind its ears.

… _Wow_.

Something broke the spell temporarily and Hijikata’s eyes snapped open. “…Fuck,” he groaned as he let himself fall forward into Sougo’s arms, resting his cheek on his shoulder. “You didn’t just… drug me, did you?”

Sougo laughed. “No, this is all you.”

“Mm, how did you…?” he murmured, breath warm against Sougo’s neck. “Even _I_ didn’t know about this.”

Sougo’s smile faded. “Last night. It was the only thing I could do that seemed to help.”

“…If I didn’t know better, I’d think you cared.”

“Of course I care—” The words were out of his mouth before he could stop them. He sucked in a breath; okay, slower this time. “I’ve known you for more than ten years and I’ve never seen you in that much pain.” And it still made his chest ache to think about it but damned if he’d say _that_ part out loud, so he bit his tongue just in case he was tempted.

Hijikata wrapped his arms around his waist after a second and said, in a small, quiet voice, “Well, I’m alright now.”

And it was true, so why did his chest still feel tight? “You’d better be, you jerk.”

Sougo tried to quit thinking about last night and let himself sink back into the endorphin haze. It was pretty amazing once he could get his mind to shut up; comfortable and somehow relaxing… he could almost get used to this. They sat in silence for a few minutes before he realized he still had his hand on the back of Hijikata’s neck, and it was few long moments after that before he realized he really didn’t care to move it.

“Do you think this is weird?”

…Ugh, he really needed to find a way to turn his mouth off.

Hijikata sounded sleepy. “What, that you’ve found my off switch? Yes, it’s weird.”

“No, I mean… sitting like this.”

He laughed. “Sitting in my lap is one of the _least_ weird things you’ve ever done to me.”

“…Good point.” And then Hijikata’s shoulders twitched. That usually meant… well, maybe it was just a twitch. No, it happened again, and Hijikata’s breath caught and his heart rate started to speed up; definitely an attack. “Need a go?”

Hijikata jolted. “Ah–! Yeah, sorry… damn, it just started, how can you _tell_?”

Sougo pulled away to look at him, but kept his hand at the back of his head. “Your shoulders always twitch and don’t you dare apologize. Not after yesterday.”

Hijikata’s cheeks flushed and Sougo couldn’t tell if it was from the attack, the endorphins or his touch, but the gaze he was suddenly fixed with was strangely intense. “But I…! Mm—” Sougo cut him off as he pulled him into a kiss to bring on his own attack, and then there was altogether less talking going on.


	5. This is way more domestic than I ever pictured being with you

It wasn’t that he liked kissing Hijikata. He tasted like cigarettes and his teeth got in the way and Sougo was hardly an expert, but from a technical standpoint, he just wasn’t very good at it. And it wasn’t like this was a kissing virus, it was a fucking virus; kissing was optional.

…But once he started, somehow it was hard to stop.

Of course, he did have to come up for air. He broke away and started to push Hijikata to the floor when Hijikata hissed in pain – instantly he froze; it was almost imperceptible and he’d clearly tried to hide it. “What is it?”

“Nn, no, it’s just,” Hijikata breathed, licking his lips – lips that were still red and slick and that had no right to be so— “my ribs still kind of hurt. …My everything still kind of hurts.”

Sougo tried to ignore the small, cruel part of his mind that happily reminded him _he’s hurt because of you_. “Sorry,” he said, latching onto a spot on Hijikata’s neck to suck on while he untied his obi. Mm, that was going to bruise, but by the way Hijikata moaned and clung to his shoulders he was pretty sure _that_ didn’t hurt. He let go – oops, bite marks – and drew his hand down Hijikata’s chest, trailing his fingers across his stomach, and Hijikata’s back arched as he made a noise that was dangerously close to a whine.

 _God_ he was hot.

…No, wait, what? That couldn’t be right.

He started sucking on a spot above Hijikata’s collarbone as he stripped him of his boxers. Well, of course Hijikata was attractive, that was hardly news. He started jerking him off and almost took a bite out of his shoulder as Hijikata stuck his hand down his pants and thumbed the tip of his erection. But he was pretty sure he’d just thought he was _hot_ , which was kind of alarming—

Hijikata ran his tongue along his jaw and did something – terrible – with his teeth to his earlobe and Sougo tried not to thrust into his hand. Damn, this was a horrible time for thinking. Breath seared hot against his neck and he shivered as Hijikata said “Let go” – his brain short-circuited. What?

…Oh, hands. He let go, but Hijikata didn’t move his lips from his neck. “Did I do something…?”

“No,” he breathed, reaching behind Sougo to untuck the back of his shirt, dip his fingers under his waistband and _dig_ at that spot—

“—Ahh!” Sougo’s hips snapped forward, back arching as Hijikata took both their lengths in his hand and pumped. Oh god, oh _god_ that was amazing— he clutched at Hijikata’s shoulders as Hijikata dug his fingers at the base of his spine and his whole body lit up in pleasure. “Ah… nn—!” Hijikata jerked them both off and Sougo tried not to leave fresh gouges in his back.

Neither of them lasted much longer, or maybe it just felt like it was over too soon; they collapsed against each other and sat there panting for a while before either felt inclined to move. Eventually Hijikata got up— ah, damn, it got on his pants _and_ his shirt. Sougo groaned and finished undressing – which he really should have done beforehand – tossing his clothes in the pile of “things that need washing as soon as someone gets the energy to stand up again.”

There was a sound of fabric rustling and then something soft fell over his head and shoulders; he peeked out from under one of Hijikata’s blue kimonos to see Hijikata fall back against his futon. “Are we wearing each other’s clothes now? You haven’t even asked to go steady,” he said as he pulled it on. It smelled like smoke— well, of _course_ it smelled like smoke.

Hijikata put his arm over his eyes, shielding them from what was probably late morning light by now. “If you don’t want it, don’t wear it,” he mumbled sleepily.

Hm, no obi. Oh well, he was too tired to go and get one. He was also cold and his futon was all the way over there, which sounded like enough reason to lie down next to Hijikata and curl up against him.

Hijikata glanced sideways at him. He pried his arm away from where Sougo had wrapped himself around it and Sougo was expecting to be shoved off the futon, so he was surprised when Hijikata put his arm around his shoulders and pulled him closer. But it was nice and warm and for as skinny as Hijikata was, his shoulder made a really good pillow.

Dozing curled up in Hijikata’s arms, he wondered what it was he’d put off thinking about.

—

He hadn’t realized he’d fallen asleep until he woke up – half-dressed, in a tangle of limbs, with his hand on Hijikata’s hip and Hijikata’s thigh between his legs. There _were_ undoubtedly more embarrassing positions to find himself in, but he was hard pressed to think of any at the moment. And wow, “hard” was probably not the best choice of words there.

But then his stomach rumbled— ah, it was almost noon and he hadn’t eaten since last night. Time for food. He slowly peeled himself away from Hijikata, careful not to wake him. It wasn’t that he was trying to be nice, he told himself, he just didn’t want Hijikata to see what an awkward position they were in.

He rummaged around for an obi and was debating whether or not to find socks when he heard a small whimper. He whirled around; Hijikata was still asleep, but he’d curled up on his side and clutched at his ribs.

Did it still hurt that bad? Damn it, damn _him_ , why didn’t he say anything? Hopefully painkillers would work by now; it couldn’t hurt to try, in any case. He’d probably be hungry too, may as well bring him something.

He paused as he slid the shoji open and his mind took a step back. Waking up in his arms, dressed in his clothes, worrying if he was hurt and about to get him what was essentially breakfast in bed…

His cheeks burned.

When the fuck had they gotten married?

—

Sougo returned in a distinctly foul mood. He knew he should’ve changed out of Hijikata’s clothes before he left the room; he’d expected a few stares, but outright jeering—? He pried the shoji open with his foot, trying to balance two bowls of miso soup sitting awkwardly on top of two bowls of rice – and let out a string of curses as the bottle of painkillers rolled out of his sleeve. Saitou and Nagakura _both_! He would’ve kicked their asses, but it was hard to kick someone’s ass in a kimono without flashing your underwear, and he wasn’t wearing any, and they _really_ did not need to know _that_.

Hijikata sat up and rubbed at his eyes as Sougo set the bowls down next to him, blinking when he pulled two pairs of chopsticks out of his sleeve and handed him one. “I’m not dreaming, am I?”

He slid the shoji closed and picked up the pill bottle before sitting down. “Don’t get used to it or anything. Here,” he said, handing him the bottle—

Hijikata gently grabbed his arm instead and the bottle fell to the floor again as Sougo’s heart rate spiked. “Is this still…?” He stared at a bruise on Sougo’s wrist.

“I don’t even remember what that’s from,” he mumbled, distracted by how his pulse was racing and _why_ was his pulse racing and why was he still holding his arm?

Hijikata looked up into his eyes, but quickly looked away as he let go. “…From when I almost put you through a wall.”

Sougo blinked. “ _Three days ago_?” Whoops, that sounded a little too invested— he slipped into his usual air of faintly annoyed boredom. “I’ve done worse than this to myself on accident. Don’t tell me you feel guilty.”

Wow, he wasn’t even trying to deny it. That was unusual. Sougo looked at his wrist; the bruises were still vaguely finger-shaped, but it didn’t look _that_ bad. What, did Hijikata think roughhousing was somehow different now that they were fucking?

…Oh, that was it, wasn’t it? “It’s just like you to worry about something stupid like that. Quit moping, your food’s getting cold.”

Breakfast – or rather, lunch – continued as normally as it ever did. Hijikata refused to eat or take the painkillers until Sougo insisted he hadn’t laced either of them; Sougo described in great detail just what he was going to do to Nagakura and Saitou once he got a hold of the bastards (and once he put boxers on); Hijikata kept glancing at Sougo’s wrist when he thought he wasn’t looking; Sougo couldn’t stop thinking about how he’d woken up with his thigh between his legs…

…So, yeah. Mostly normal.

Shit, who was he kidding?


	6. I don’t like my feelings changing without my permission

Abruptly, things started to get weird.

Well, no, they’d started out weird to begin with. And it wasn’t like their situation really got any weirder, it was just—

…Let’s try this again.

Abruptly, Sougo started to feel weird, and it was time for some serious introspection.

It probably started with the fever. Seeing Hijikata in that much pain _hurt_. And it wasn’t like it was all better the next day – he’d torn his muscles to shreds and for the next two days every time he moved it hurt, and of course the idiot tried not to show it. Sougo, Prince of Planet Sadist, found himself worried and guilty and wishing that Hijikata – of all people – wasn’t in so much pain.

Then there was the endorphin thing. Clinging to Hijikata like that gave him a warm fuzzy feeling, and the cognitive dissonance that invoked would give even the grimiest politician pause. A week ago he wouldn’t have thought “Hijikata” and “warm fuzzy feeling” could be anywhere near each other in the same sentence.

And that would have all been _fine_ – given that they were also screwing each other senseless, touching seemed tame enough in comparison; the fever was sort of his fault anyway, as much as Hijikata protested, and even Sougo’s sadism had its limits.

But now he found himself attracted to Hijikata.

It wasn’t just that Hijikata was attractive – well, he was; you’d have to be blind not to see that, and even a blind man would probably be taken with that deep voice, especially when he—

…Let’s try this again.

There was a difference between thinking someone was attractive and being _attracted to them_ , and he was _definitely_ attracted to Hijikata.

He’d tried to deny it at first, but he just couldn’t find a way to rationalize it. If it was just the virus, it should go away after an attack ended, but it didn’t. If it was just hormones, he’d want to jump everyone – most likely everyone _but_ Hijikata. And if it was just that he’d been single too long and was only attracted to him because they were fucking… it still meant he was attracted to him.

He couldn’t for the _life_ of him stop thinking about Hijikata. His back, his shoulders, the line of his hips, his cheekbones, all his scars, his stupid grey eyes, the way he wrapped his arms around Sougo’s waist, the noises he made as Sougo sucked a bruise into his neck…

Things that used to piss him off faded into mild annoyance, and some of the things that used to annoy him he’d even started to _enjoy_. His habit of putting mayonnaise on everything he ate meant Sougo got to watch him lick it off his lips. His insistence on waking up early to practice his kata was an excuse to see him hot, sweaty and panting.

He was even starting to like the way his skin smelled like smoke.

Oh, yeah. He had it _bad_.

And whatever this was – some kind of grossly misplaced crush, or whatever – he couldn’t see a way to get rid of it aside from hoping it would work itself out of his system.


	7. You only ever figure things out at the most inconvenient times

Unfortunately for Sougo, crushes were nothing like colds, and couldn’t be fought off with hot tea and decongestants.

Really unfortunately for Sougo, they also couldn’t be fought off when the person being crushed on was doing everything in his power to encourage it.

Or at least, that’s what it seemed like Hijikata was doing. The way he kept giving him his clothes to wear – ones he didn’t usually wear himself, so the other guys wouldn’t jeer at Sougo over it; how he traced his eyes over every bruise he gave Sougo, because he’d long since been told to stop apologizing for them; waking up in various states of undress in each others’ arms; not to mention all the casual touches – and he knew it was just so they could go longer between attacks, but it was still so—

Oh, he wasn’t doing it on purpose, but that didn’t make it any less maddening. Not to mention how awkward sex had become, but there wasn’t much he could do about that besides bury his face in Hijikata’s neck, or the pillow – or against the wall, if they were really desperate, and sometimes they were – because it was like every touch lit him on fire, and he was afraid his face would show just how much he was enjoying it.

…Speaking of desperate, if Hijikata didn’t get over here soon, this feeling between Sougo’s shoulder blades was going to eat him alive.

It crawled up and down his spine and he squirmed in place. God _damn_ , this _sucked_ ; it couldn’t have been more than six or seven minutes but he was going crazy. What did Hijikata have to do that was more important than him, anyway? Wait, that came out wrong. …No, on second thought, not really.

Yeah, he was going crazy.

He shucked his jacket off and tugged at his scarf, annoyed at himself. Why the hell had he decided to wear his uniform again? Oh right, because the attacks were so infrequent now that, in theory, they had time to do things that weren’t each other. He unzipped his vest and squirmed some more; fuck, undressing was much more fun when—

…When Hijikata did it.

Oh, _damn_ him. Damn this virus, damn this crush, damn _everything_.

And of course Hijikata picked that exact moment to show up – he quickly slammed the shoji shut and Sougo growled at him as he closed the distance. “The hell took you so long, you son of a— mm…” Hijikata crushed his mouth against his and the rest of his objection died on his lips. He reached up and shrugged Hijikata’s jacket off his shoulders and down his arms – his perfectly sculpted arms – as Hijikata’s tongue did something horribly arousing and his hands reached under his shirt and skimmed across his stomach.

“Sorry,” Hijikata breathed as he finally broke away, ducking down to suck at a spot on Sougo’s neck that wasn’t already marked from the other day. He tugged at Sougo’s waistband and made a confused noise into his neck. “Why aren’t you undressed yet?”

 _Because I was waiting for you to undress me_ — “Fuck, just hurry up.” Thank god his face was already bright red.

“How do you want to…?” Hijikata started working at Sougo’s belt, bringing a knee up between his legs.

Sougo couldn’t help grinding into his touch; it took him a while to find words again. “Be great if you’d suck me off. Ah…! It doesn’t matter,” he answered between gasps, squeezing his eyes shut. Fuck, he could come just from this.

Sougo’s fly came undone and Hijikata paused against his neck; he moved away and Sougo barely had time to wonder where he was going before he felt a tongue on his—

 _What_.

His eyes snapped open and he looked down just as Hijikata ran his tongue along the slit. “Wh-what’re you doing?”

Hijikata looked up at him. “What, don’t want it?” He didn’t give Sougo time to answer before he took the head into his mouth; Sougo shivered and tried not to squirm.

“Ah, it was just a joke! I didn’t think you’d really… mm…” The rest of his sentence seemed so much less important than what Hijikata’s mouth was doing. He had a momentary mental spasm of _This is wrong_ , but the heat drove all higher brain function away. His squirming turned into bucking; by the third suck he gave up on trying to keep his hips still.

“ _Fuck_ —” He bit down on the sudden urge to call out Hijikata’s name, but he couldn’t resist threading his fingers through his hair and _oh_ , looking down was dangerous— the sight of the vice commander on his knees, still in uniform, sucking him off was almost enough to push him over the edge. Hijikata pulled back a little to focus on the head – and damn him, oh, damn everything, his _teeth got in the way_ —

Sougo came harder than he ever had in his life, and as far as he could tell with his eyes squeezed shut, Hijikata swallowed it all. He gave himself a few breaths to recover before he stuffed himself back in his pants, held his hand out and said “Get up here.” Hijikata obligingly climbed up into his lap, straddling his hips, and Sougo undid his fly – “Why aren’t you undressed yet?” he smirked.

“I was busy,” Hijikata replied, voice rough and husky and oh, his throat must hurt but that was _so hot_. Sougo curled one hand around his hip as he jerked him off; Hijikata buried his moans in Sougo’s neck and clung to his shoulders, shivering as he got closer and closer. “Ah, _Sougo_ —!”

It was a good thing he was already spent, because that definitely would’ve gotten him hard again.

Hijikata swore as he came; Sougo managed to get rid of the mess without either 1. getting his hand trapped between them as Hijikata collapsed against him or 2. getting it on their clothes, which was an increasingly useful skill as the week wore on.

The week was almost over, though…

“This isn’t gonna last much longer, is it?” Sougo asked, not particularly expecting an answer.

“Mm… the virus? I guess not.” Hijikata stirred long enough to zip his pants up, then settled back against him. “Heh, you almost sound disappointed.”

That was when it hit him.

 _What if I_ am _disappointed?_

It was completely ridiculous and it made so much sense he wondered how he hadn’t realized it sooner. This wasn’t just a crush; it wasn’t going to go away – and even now, with used tissues scattered around the room and the smell of cigarettes in his hair and Hijikata sitting on him like a lead weight, he didn’t _want_ it to go away.

But by the time he could think to say either _What if I don’t want this to be over_ or _Yeah, as if_ , Hijikata had fallen asleep.

He sat there for a while, Hijikata a warm, contented weight against him, and tried not to think he’d just ruined everything.


	8. Pass the brain bleach, please

Well, so what if he’d fallen for his best friend slash worst enemy? All he had to do was …nothing. If he just didn’t do anything about it, nothing would change.

Right?

It had been a few days since the virus ran its course and things were slowly getting back to—

“Yamazaki caught it! Yamazaki caught it!”

—normal. Oh, that had better not mean what he thought it meant.

He rounded the corner and saw a group alternately crowding around and recoiling from a shoji, Yamazaki’s frantic, squeaky voice coming from inside and oh _hell_ , the men were getting their masks out. “Okay,” he started, “Tell me what—”

“Captain Okita!”

“It’s the captain!”

“Captain, Yamazaki came down with the virus!”

“… _One at a time_ , for god’s sake.” He ran his hand through his hair; really, he wasn’t first captain of an elite anti-terrorism police force, he was first captain of a herd of cats. “Who’s he with and why are you all listening to him have sex?”

“He’s not with anybody, he shut himself in his room and refused to come out. Also, ew.”

“Has anyone else caught it?”

“No.”

“How long has it been?”

“About fifteen minutes…”

He was in the room before the word was finished, slamming the shoji shut behind him. Fifteen minutes, that _idiot_. That absolute total fucking idiot.

Yamazaki had been sitting on the floor in a miserable heap; he sprung to his feet, stopping himself just short of jumping Sougo. “C-Captain! No, you shouldn’t— I’m not sure I can control myself—”

“So don’t.” Sougo backed him up against the wall; Yamazaki’s hands went to his shoulders. “You idiot, why’d you wait so long? Don’t you know what a withdrawal fever’s like?” He briefly wondered if there was a way to do this without taking Yamazaki’s pants off. Probably not.

“I don’t know, I thought— I thought I could just… t-take care of it myself, you know— ah!” Sougo started undoing his fly and Yamazaki’s fingers kneaded into his shoulders. “Captain you really don’t have to do this I can find someone,” he said in a rush.

“Yamazaki, do me a favor and shut up.”

“Y-yessir.”

What followed was the most awkward, sweaty, unsexy handjob Sougo had ever had the misfortune to be part of. At least Yamazaki was on a hair trigger so it was over with fast, but still – his pathetic whimpering, the way he arched his back, and all the rest of the things Sougo was desperately trying to scrub from his mind…

_I need a shower. Or maybe a decontamination chamber._

As he washed his hands for the third time (gross gross gross) he tried to talk himself out of what was clearly turning into a freakout – it was just a handjob, that barely even counted as sex oh god he just had _sex_ with Yamazaki gross gross gross—

…Let’s try this again.

What exactly was bothering him so much, anyway? He’d seen the guys naked in the shower all the time, so there was no surprise there; it wasn’t like he’d never walked in on someone masturbating before, and this was sort of the same thing, right?

_No, it’s not the same, it feels like I’ve cheated on Hijikata—_

Oh.

That was it.

He felt stupid and embarrassed and furious all at the same time. Guess there really wasn’t a way to make falling for your best friend work; the obsession hadn’t waned at all. And if it was going to fuck up his life like this – if he was going to be obsessed with Hijikata either way – he may as well go confront him.


	9. There’s no such thing as no strings attached

Hijikata had been avoiding him. It wasn’t surprising but it was pissing Sougo off all the same; he missed being around Hijikata, not that he’d ever admit it out loud. Their meetings were confined to terse greetings in hallways and stolen glimpses in the mess hall, and he was sure it was by design. Hijikata was going out of his way to pay as little attention to him as was humanly possible.

Well, he could work with that.

Hijikata was doing paperwork. It wasn’t windy tonight, so the outside shoji to Hijikata’s room was left open (probably in the hopes that he didn’t stink up his whole room with his chain-smoking; it never worked). Sougo sidled up and leaned on the shoji frame, making himself as unassuming a presence as possible. “Hey.”

Hijikata visibly stiffened, but quickly relaxed, carrying right on with his paperwork. “Hey.”

Sougo walked towards him, babbling on about nothing and everything, talking just to fill silence and keep Hijikata distracted. He put a hand on Hijikata’s shoulder; when Hijikata had been doing paperwork while they were sick, that was his signal to let Sougo in his lap. Obligingly – obliviously – Hijikata opened his arms, and Sougo climbed right in. “…and you’re sure you don’t have any lingering feelings for me?”

Hijikata’s brows furrowed. “…What?” He blinked, looking down and to the side before focusing on the paper in front of him again. “No, of course not.”

“Oh? Is that why you let me in your lap just now?”

Hijikata blinked again, his eyes slowly losing their glazed-over look. “F-force of habit!” he sputtered. “Why are you in my lap anyway, you little imp? Go away!”

“You want me.”

Hijikata’s tirade was cut short as his breath hitched; he didn’t reply.

Sougo leaned in close, breath hot on Hijikata’s neck – which still sported the ghost of a bruise Sougo had put there himself. “I know you want me. I know _you_. You can’t have gone that whole week without feeling anything.” He sucked on the bruise; it didn’t elicit a reaction. “That’s why you’ve been avoiding me, huh? Trying to make the feelings go away?”

In fact, nothing he was doing – running his hands up Hijikata’s back, pressing their chests together, mouthing along his neck – was eliciting a reaction. Hijikata sat still as a statue through it all.

Sougo pulled back as a kernel of dread settled in his chest. Hijikata stared at him, expression equal parts shock and discomfort; the dread took root and bloomed through his veins.

“Or… maybe I misjudged.”

Unrequited.

He climbed out of Hijikata’s lap stiffly, heart pounding, mentally hurling abuse at himself. _You’re so stupid, you’ve just molested your superior officer for no reason,_ he thought as he walked away. _Of course he doesn’t have feelings for you,_ you’re _the only one who fell for him like an idiot, and now you’ve gone and ruined one of the best, worst, stupidest, most amazing friendships you ever had_ —

Strong arms wrapped around him from behind before he could reach the door, and Hijikata sighed. “Give a guy time to react before you run away, will ya?”

“…What?”

“I’m saying you were right.”

“Why— what—”

Hijikata sighed in the way Sougo hated, the one that said he was going to have to explain this in very small words. He leaned in close, breath tickling Sougo’s neck.

“I want you.”

It was Sougo’s turn to have his breath catch in his throat and be at a loss for words. _Did I hear that right? I didn’t just imagine it, did I?_ Hijikata nipped at his earlobe and Sougo squeaked, then quickly slapped his hand over his mouth. Hijikata laughed, and it rumbled through his chest into Sougo’s very soul.

_Please let this be real._

He turned around. “Don’t laugh at me—” he managed to say before Hijikata kissed him for all he was worth. He melted into it, reaching up and threading his fingers through Hijikata’s hair. Hijikata finally pulled away for air and just stared at him, face flushed and eyes so full of affection it almost made Sougo feel faint. “…Okay,” Sougo said between breaths, “that makes up for laughing at me.”

He laughed again and Sougo thought he could listen to it forever.

The world outside Hijikata’s room didn’t change; inside, the only difference was that Sougo sat in Hijikata’s lap with permission while he finished his paperwork – and afterwards, they kissed until they were flushed and panting.

“Why’d you do it,” Sougo asked. “Why’d you stop running away from me?”

Hijikata raised an eyebrow. “As I recall, _you_ were the one running away.”

Sougo pinched his ass. “You know what I mean. This whole past week you’ve been trying to pretend I didn’t exist.”

Hijikata thought for a while and Sougo let him mull over his words. “Because I’m only in my twenties and I already have so many regrets; I didn’t want you to be another one. I didn’t want to live the rest of my life like that, and I didn’t want to hurt you anymore. Seeing you run away after you thought I rejected you… I thought, ‘fuck it, this isn’t better for anyone.’ So I went after you.”

Sougo smiled and wrapped his arms around Hijikata’s neck. “Good answer.”

—

They didn’t last a week and a half before someone found them out.

The decision to keep their relationship secret had been Hijikata’s idea, naturally (Sougo was fine with that if only for the hilarity of the inevitable reveal). A week and a half was disappointing, but really – with this many men living in the barracks in such close quarters, it wasn’t like it was going to be months.

Shimada, one of the Shinsengumi’s spies, pulled Sougo aside one day. “Captain Okita, is everything okay?”

Sougo blinked. “Why wouldn’t it be?”

“You’re not sick or anything?”

“No…?”

Shimada shifted on his feet. “Well, it’s just… you haven’t tried to kill the Vice Commander in over a week now. Me and some of the other guys were afraid you were coming down with something serious.”

Sougo raised an eyebrow. “You mean you and some of the other guys have a betting pool.”

Shimada winced. Sougo dragged him off by the ear to gather up the other members of the betting pool; Nagakura, Saitou, Harada, and a couple of guys in each of their squads. They all withered under the presence of the first captain.

“So,” Sougo started, “who had money on me being sick?” Harada and his squad members raised their hands. “And who had money on me sleeping with Hijikata?” Tentatively, Nagakura and Saitou and their squad members raised their hands.

Sougo regarded them all for a few moments, just to raise tension.

“Tenth squad!” Harada and his men jumped to attention, eagerly anticipating winning the bet. “You lost. Pay up.” Sougo turned on his heel and strolled away, to the whoops and cheers of Nagakura and Saitou.

He shook his head, listening to the news already spreading like wildfire behind him. By the time Hijikata finished his patrol today, the whole barracks would know. Sougo had a lot to look forward to tonight – watching Hijikata sputter and turn red at hearing the secret was out, watching Hijikata turn tsundere at hearing it was Sougo who let the secret out, watching Hijikata beat the shit out of Nagakura and Saitou once he heard about the betting pool, watching Hijikata strip out of his uniform… (wait, that was a different fantasy).

Yeah, tonight – and every night after it – was gonna be good.


End file.
